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The magic moment in the collaborative process
By Glen Rabenn, Esq.
Success in the collaborative process often occurs as a "magic moment." This is a pivotal point in the negotiation when the spouses mutually arrive upon the realization that they are involved in a process that actually works for them and their children. To the collaborative professionals these are the moments when their hopes and aspirations for the collaborative process are both justified and fulfilled.
One such moment occurred in one of my collaborative divorce cases. I was representing the husband who was dealing with the divorce itself and the added complication that his wife was moving with their infant daughter to the Pacific Northwest. The husband, who was having a difficult time accepting the fact that he would have to settle for seeing his daughter in small windows of time each month, was expressing his anger in by taking rigid positions on the issues of child support and community property. The wife, on the other hand, tended toward emotional outbursts that could be very hurtful to the husband.
In spite of the reservoir of bad feelings, the parties were slowly making progress toward a negotiated settlement of their issues. Progressively, through the collaborative process, the coupe had resolved most of the issues that existed between them, but several potentially divisive points remained on the table. One of those issues had to do with the $1,800.00 balance due on a credit card.
From my prior discussions with the husband I anticipated that he would dig in his heels and demand that the wife pay one-half of this balance. To my great surprise, when the collaborative team brought the issue up the husband abruptly said “I’ll take care of it.” There then was a momentary – but palpable – silence, during which everyone at the table was appreciating the significance of what would otherwise appear to be a modest concession. Before our eyes our clients magically evolved from bitter antagonists to fully participating members of a collaborative team.