Frequently Asked Questions

Why should I consider collaborative practice for my divorce?

You may not be able to save your marriage, but you can protect your future and that of your children. Research shows that the method couples choose for pursuing their divorce (non-adversarial or adversarial) will have a powerful impact on the happiness of their post-marriage relationships, including relationships with children and future spouses. It is no surprise that the worst outcomes arise from bitterly litigated divorces. Bad divorces leave a toxic residue that can last a lifetime. Collaborative practice offers you an opportunity for a better outcome and a better future for you and your children.

My spouse and I are very angry with each other right now. Is collaborative practice only for “amicable divorces”?

Not at all. Anger is a natural response when our primary relationships change, even if we are unhappy in the relationship. In collaborative practice, you will receive support and guidance to go through the process of detachment, including the strong feelings—such as grief and anger—that often accompany it. In conventional litigated “no fault” divorces, there is no official place to deal with anger or grief, and unresolved feelings may end up fueling fights over other issues such as child custody, support or property division. In collaborative practice, we help you learn to express emotions in a direct, but respectfully way.

Do my spouse and I each have our own collaborative attorney?

Yes. Each person retains his or her own collaborative attorney to advise and assist in negotiating an agreement on all issues. Your attorney informs you of your rights and gives you sound legal advice about your situation. Collaborative divorce attorneys make every effort not to aggravate the tensions that already exist between you. Their role is to create a safe environment for your assessment of options and negotiations for resolution.

Can either of us quit during the collaborative process?

Yes. Each client keeps the right to stop the collaborative process if it is not working well for her or him. It is in each person’s interest to act in a way that makes the process fair and considerate of the other party. Thus, in collaborative practice it is counter-productive to use tactics such as intimidation, withholding information or being uncooperative, because these tactics will simply cause the process to fall apart. When the process is stopped, either party may initiate court action and then the collaborative attorneys will withdraw. Though this option is available to you, we have found that most people become invested in the process and few want to withdraw.

Must I settle for less than what I am entitled to, if I choose the collaborative approach?

No. Just because you make a contract to stay out of court doesn’t mean you have to settle for less. In collaborative practice, we help the participants to achieve fair and equitable settlements which focus on their needs, goals, and what is best for the family. You will be given many options to choose from, so you decide what you want, rather than decisions (which you may not agree with) being made by a judge that doesn’t know you. Settlements reached through this collaborative process are generally much more satisfactory and durable than settlements reached on the courthouse steps.

What about the children? How are arrangements for children decided in collaborative divorce?

Collaborative practice is kind and supportive of both parents and children, and allows you to move through a difficult transition with less emotional harm to your family than what occurs in typical litigation. Mental health experts (called “coaches”) will help in developing a co-parenting plan, and assist you in setting aside your differences so you can work in harmony with your ex. The neutral child specialist can give your children a safe place to talk about the changes that are happening in your family, and offer insights to help you develop the best plan for your children.

I feel that I am at a disadvantage because my spouse has always controlled our finances. Will I have the same rights as I would if we went to court?

Yes. Although disclosure is done informally, it must happen fully and voluntarily, and without delay. This requirement is fundamental to the collaborative process. It signals that the parties are willing to be straightforward and avoid game-playing about information. Instead, the parties aim for the considerable benefits that flow when information is freely shared. California law requires full disclosure in all divorce cases and imposes serious penalties for hiding assets.

If either of us decides to leave the collaborative process, do we still have the protection of confidentiality?

In the first meeting, you will each sign a participation agreement which addresses the issue of confidentiality, stating that the communications taking place in the course of the collaborative process will not be admissible in court.

How much will the collaborative approach cost?

Each case is unique, but typically, the collaborative approach will often cost one-third to one-half as much as if the same case had gone to court. This is because there are no court motions to prepare, no court hearings to be conducted, and because discovery is provided voluntarily and fully instead of being extracted through expensive legal processes.

What are the fees of the collaborative divorce professionals?

Though each professional works on a team, they bill independently for their services and this ensures that the client receives independent advice and representation. A professional’s fees will vary depending on experience as well as other factors. Ask the professional you consult about their fee schedule and retainer.

When we reach a settlement through the collaborative process, will it be as legally binding as if we went to court?

Yes. Your collaborative attorneys will prepare an enforceable legal judgment that will set out the terms of your settlement. You will not need to personally appear in court to finalize the divorce.

Where do I begin, and how do I contact a collaborative professional?

Our website www.cdsoc.com provides a list of members who have been specially trained in the collaborative approach. Any one of them will be able to sit down with you in a consultation to answer questions and inform you about the collaborative process.